Robin Sheppard, chairman Bespoke Hotels, is part of the Inner Circle, a group of industry leaders and innovators we have brought together to help us contribute to debate in the sector.
EU holidaymakers will be allowed into the UK based on points awarded according to how surly, fat and enigmatic they are, it has been confirmed.
Points will be deducted for the precise shade of cherry-pink people go after 48 hours in the blazing hot sun with no sun-cream, on Brighton beach.
The UK is to introduce the system in response to hotel industry outcry about the governments ‘points-based’ immigration system that would prevent people entering the country to do antisocial things like work and spend their money.
Describing the new system as ‘fair and proportionate’, the hotel industry offer several examples of how the new holiday system will work, including ‘Manuel’, an unemployed but curiously well-off used car dealer from Barcelona and his 15-year-old son Jesus who tries to smoke weed on the Ryanair flight from Marbella will get ‘Nul points’ and have to go on holiday to Iceland instead. Not sure if that’s the country or the store.
Meanwhile, Jaime and Joaquin, a pair of brand managers from San Sebastian, and their three children Olivier, Amadea and Felix, will get a hundred points and be allowed in to buy as much Rioja and Paloma Picasso as they like.
Points will be awarded on a number of criteria, including knowing the name of the capital city of the country you’re visiting, being able to speak any of the language, and whether visitors think it’s acceptable for a drink to be blue.
The system has been criticised by many on this side of the channel, who insist that points-based systems are only supposed to apply to other people and not them.